I have always been told that loyalty is a sign of a true friend or if a person makes you feel good then you should spend your time with them. Seems simple enough, but loyalty and feel-good friendship should not be the only qualities we look for in a friend.
Loyalty:
Loyalty can be a wonderful attribute in a person, but if someone's loyalty encourages destructive behavior then who and what are they really loyal to? If they were truly loyal to your well-being, wouldn’t they be willing to speak out against your harmful behavior to spare you from more hurt and turmoil?
Proverbs 18:24: There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother.
If someone is loyal to you as you destroy yourself and those around you; they are not a friend but may be an enemy in disguise.
On the other hand, If someone is requiring you to compromise your values in the name of loyalty; they are not a friend.
True biblical loyalty is loyal to God and his values first, then the rest should follow. I am loyal to my friends in the sense of I will be there for them, I will stand up for them, but I will not encourage their downfall. When I make mistakes I hope I have people to help me see those errors so I can be spared from further destruction.
This brings me to the next faulty attribute,
Feel-good Friendship:
Of course, friendships should bring joy into your life, but sometimes growth does not always feel good. Sometimes a correction can sting and hurt our pride but friends walk with you through the times of growth. Friends not only walk with you but build you up when they speak the truth into you. Friends try to understand while not condemning, but they certainly are not yes men.
You may be a yes man if you feed into someone’s pride.
You may be a yes man if you don’t speak out against blatant moral issues.
You may be a yes man if you are too afraid to stand up for what you know is true.
If you are indeed afraid to talk to your friend about mistakes and decisions they may be making, ask yourself why? Will they abandon you? Will they lose their temper? Maybe that says more about them than it says about you. You are only called to speak truth into someone's life, you are not responsible for how they will respond.
Proverbs 27:9: The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.
It may not be easy to have those tough conversations but it is necessary if you long to be a true friend to someone. At times this world can twist godly correction and call it “being judgy” or “unloving” when in fact they just want someone who will encourage whatever decisions they make no matter the heartbreaking outcome they may follow. If that is the case then they do not want a friend, but simply a mindless, loyal “make them feel good” yes men; but you are called to be so much more than that.
You are called to help, love, and speak wisdom, into those you call a friend.
Proverbs 12:26: The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray.
God, we pray that we can be true friends to those around us. We pray for courage to speak out against this world and we pray to have empathy for those who are confused and lost. May we be people who hold onto our biblical values and look for those same values in our friendships. Amen.
