When someone makes a small offense against you, forgiving and moving can be simple. When someone genuinely apologizes, forgiving and moving on can be doable. But when someone never apologizes, doesn’t change their patterns, or hurts you in such an intimate way, forgiveness is not so easily obtained.
Forgiving may not come naturally to you, maybe you find it difficult to trust others, so when someone breaks that trust, forgiveness seems so out of reach.
Maybe you were belittled, mistreated, or forgotten for years on end, and the hurt grew deeper and deeper to the point where forgiving seems impossible.
You may have someone who abandoned you when they promised forever.
You may have been abused and broken down by someone who promised to care for you.
How can we even begin to forgive when we are in such deep pain?
Colossians 3:12-14 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
One thing that I have realized over the many times I have forgiven someone (and been forgiven myself) is you learn to forgive for yourself. Not for the benefit of the other person, in fact, that person may continue on a destructive path hurting those they encounter, but you don’t have to. You don’t have to continue on in bitterness and anger, you can choose to forgive to free yourself of a life of resentment. When we are hurt, it is easy to lash out and hurt others, but when we recognize the pain inside us, talk it through with trusted people, and slowly move on, we can start to heal.
Healing isn’t done alone, and it isn’t done overnight. Sometimes forgiving even just a single person who deeply hurt you is a lifelong practice. I have to wake up and choose to forgive the person who abused me. There are days I don’t want to forgive, there are other days where I use the hurt to help others who have gone through the same situation, and there are days where I am still grieving my past self. But I will not let this person take any more of my joy, my contentment, and my future. They are not worth consuming my heart, so I choose to forgive them for my own peace, not theirs. I recognize that the Holy Spirit has to convict them, not me.
This world wants to infect you and destroy the light God put inside you, and the enemy will use other people to do so. However, the scripture above says we are God’s people, chosen and dearly loved, which means we are set apart to be a living, breathing example of what it means to rely on Christ for your strength, not bitterness. Bitterness will hold you up, it will keep you fighting, but you won’t be fighting for yourself anymore; you will be fighting for vindication. You have to decide what is more important, getting even or becoming free. Freedom is obtainable, but only if we clothe ourselves in love and forgive as God forgave us not for the benefit of the other person but for the benefit of healing.