There are so many sayings we hear that sound good, and healthy but can be extremely toxic. Every day I see all over social media people encouraged to speak their truth, be themselves and be with whoever makes them happy. That sounds like helpful advice but it can lead to nothing but emptiness.
This is three of a three-part series of worldly advice versus biblical advice. If there are any other pieces of “advice” you heard that sounds good on the surface but may not actually be healthy let me know and I would love to research it!
People search for happiness in every way humanly possible, and oftentimes we think happiness will be found in a romantic relationship. People go as far as compromising their values to be “happy” in a relationship. Then once the person stops making them happy they leave to the next person who will make them happy. But what if the purpose of a relationship was not to make you happy but to make you the person God has called you to be? What if we viewed relationships, not as a happiness measurement but as a way to pursue God?
An issue with asking yourself if the person you’re with makes you happy or not is that the person could make you happy but at the same time be ruining who you are. Happiness is fleeting because it depends on where you are emotionally at the time. If you are in a state of extreme vulnerability then a toxic person may raise your spirits for a time with the cost of being emotionally attached to them in an unhealthy way. In the opposite way, if you are in a state of euphoria then you may believe you do not need anyone because you are happy on your own. I would encourage you to work on being content by yourself but not viewing that as a state of completeness. The purpose of marriage is to unite two people into one.
Mark 10:7-9, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Marriage is a way to show who God is, God is three in one and when a man and woman join into marriage the three, God, husband and wife should become one. When we keep Christ at the center and head of a relationship and not ourselves, we constantly look to him for guidance and not our own ever-changing emotions.
Meaning, a romantic relationship does not complete you only God can. A relationship without God is like a man who builds his house on the sand, with no solid foundation.
Matthew 7: 24-27 says, “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”
If you aren’t looking for a romantic relationship right now or may not feel called to marriage then take these words and look at your friendships in that way. They aren’t meant to make you happy all the time but are meant to challenge you for growth. What does a healthy challenge look like in any relationship? It looks like someone who confronts your sin with love by not tearing you down but encouraging you with the truth. Instead of dropping someone the minute they no longer me you happy take a moment to look inward and ask am I not happy because a part of myself that I need to change is being revealed? If we view relationships as a way to help us follow God and become the best versions of ourselves then we are less likely to throw them away when the going gets tough.
A portion of my wedding vows to my husband Josh:
“You challenge me to be the person God has created me to be, you strengthen me to complete all my goals, and you help me see things from a completely different perspective. Marriage is meant to encourage one another to grow, not just to make the other person happy. Although you do make me very happy, I promise even when you don’t, I will stay true to you, I will take care of you and I will love you through all that life throws at us. “
